i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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