Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
