when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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