Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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