can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
time to smoke my breakfast
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
