You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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