Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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