So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
