he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
