u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
it's great music for shaving your balls
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
