Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
