Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
