see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My dick has a subreddit
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
