he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I had to cum in my sink.
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