so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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