let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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