if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
