The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
