Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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