You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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