the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
