My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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