I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
