So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
