is your mom at the bar?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
