It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
