Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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