I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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