She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
