the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
