What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
