Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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