Jerry, you need to find god
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
