i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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