I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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