i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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