I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
