She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
