How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
