its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
