U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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