I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
