He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
