I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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