so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
