He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I need help removing her.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
