are you so shy because you have an std?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
50% drunk capacity currently
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
