my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
