Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
