I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
